Announcing My Retirement from Academic Fraud

I Blame Breonna James (and ChatGPT)

Since I 2008, I made money writing term papers for college students. It was easy money. They definitely paid faster than legitimate markets. In better times, I didn't need to advertise. My clients referred each other. I made my own hours. Clients paid right away. If they didn't pay, I could post their papers online. Then if they were dumb enough to not pay, I'd email everyone at their college.

Then came ChatGPT.

For the last two years, my jobs have dwindled. Instead of paying me $25/hour to write their Sociology or Economics or Film Studies paper, students got them for free from that damn program. I assumed that AI would die, that professors would recognize AI papers. My bills climbed. My back rent increased. I begged for money. I started a GoFundMe. I posted the link repeatedly. I promoted my services on Whatsapp, Facebook, Reddit, LinkedIn, etc, etc. Reddit kicked me off for posting on the wrong subreddit. I annoyed my friends. Thank G-d I live in a place with tenant-friendly laws and my landlord likes me, else I'd be homeless.

In December, an awful client, refused to pay. A second later, I received $200 for dressing up like a Victorian ghost on Halloween. I took that as a sign. Sadly, no one pays you to dress up like a Victorian ghost every day of the week.

So I'm done. I quit. The illicit term paper market is dead. I'm through begging for jobs. If you have a novel that needs editing and need someone to ghost write your self-help book, contact me.

I suppose I should thank that awful client - Breonna James - for making it obvious. If I don't find better income streams, I'm only going to get more desperate and take on even worse clients. So goodbye Breonna James and goodbye psycho asshole clients. If AI doesn't work for you, you can hire other poor bastards.

But first, the tale of Breonna James – one of my worst clients in a job that doesn't attract the best people.

Breonna James Finds Me

The first thing Breonna James asked was “are you honest?” She had already paid a guy. He never delivered. She was vague on the actual assignment and said that I was too expensive. Then she asked me what I did for a living, as if writing term papers for money was a fun little hobby. When she finally hired me, the assignment was based on the “Ten Elements of Critical Thinking.” She assumed that there were ten elements of critical thinking that everyone agrees on, as opposed to something that the professor made up.

Before I could begin the assignment, Breonna James asked for a second job. Could I pretend to be her therapist? Breonna James wants disability insurance and her therapist wasn't about to agree with her schemes. She figured that since I wrote term papers, a very unethical practice that is a misdemeanor in some states, that I'd be more than happy to impersonate a licensed therapist, in order to help her commit insurance fraud.

This would be the first of many red flags.

So I wrote her paper. I analyzed and advertisement. I created a fake ad. I googled elements of critical thinking. I sent an invoice through CashApp (truly the worst money transfer service). She paid. Then she saw the invoice and assumed that I was still sending invoices. Breonna James is stupid that way. I received this pleasant email

Dude check your email. I really don’t like being treated like less than a person so if you are always going to do this everytime I pay you then let me know and I won’t ask you for your services. Obviously I wouldn’t lie about paying you.

Thin-skinned and defensive Breonna James is truly the best Breonna James.

Breonna James Gets Weird(er)

After a few short assignments, Breonna James asks me to write a reaction to an article about conflict resolution, and then fax it to her college office. I asked why and her response: “Because my bitch ass roommate accused me of shit I didn't do.” Whatever, the bitch ass roommate accused Breonna James of doing, I'm certain that she did it.

After I wrote a bullshit statement, I mentioned that in college, I once convinced a (dorm-appointed) roommate that I worshiped Satan. Didn't take much either. A joke answering machine message, an H.P. Lovecraft book and a Charles Manson CD and he was begging housing to transfer him to anyone else.

She was so amused that she asked me if I had a girlfriend. Would I go out with her? Would I give her a discount on future papers if we were dating? No one has ever offered ChatGPT sex in exchange for its term paper writing services.

I said that if she was in New York City, we could get coffee. I didn't want to lose a client so I didn't say “No! Hell no! Seriously, not a chance.” I like money. Breonna James took that as an invitation to call me. After 11pm. I didn't answer. I texted back with “you're making me uncomfortable.”

Breonna James didn't talk to me again for months.

When she did write back, she asked for a letter, but then responded with “I used ChatGPT” when I confirmed availability. Then she asked me to catch up on all of her online assignments. I wrote everything I could but once she paid me, she asked about the Theater design assignments.

I'm a writer. I don't have the time to make draw a set and costumes. Obviously, she expected me to draw sets. In her time limit. She was angry that she'd have to hire someone else.

She even asked me to write a review of a college play. Breonna James read the assignment that said “make sure to give a detailed review and pay special attention to lighting, costumes, acting, etc” and somehow thought that I could make something up that'd she turn into a teacher who presumably had seen the play and knew the details. Winthrop University is in North Carolina. The only way to write a paper that would pass would be to fly down to North Carolina, buy a ticket and watch the thing. Breonna James was too cheap to pay $50 for a two page paper. There was no way she'd ever pay for that paper.

Breonna James Goes Full Psycho

Toward the end of November, I briefly had a moment when I imagined term paper writing jobs returning. Several past clients were contacting me with actual jobs. I had more money coming in from working the polling stations and acting jobs, but those old term paper clients needed me.

Breonna James had a final paper that she needed for $200. It was due on December 3, but she warned me that she couldn't pay until December 1. One could say that this was miscommunication. You see, when I client tells me that a paper is due on December 3 (but she can't pay until December 1), I assume that she wants it on December 3 or any time before December 3, but not before December 1 because she can't pay for it.

Breonna James thought we were agreeing that I would get the paper to her on December 1. I prioritized other clients – sane clients, smart clients, busy clients, clients who didn't offer sex in exchange for papers – and when I started her paper on December 1, she was pissed.

Breonna James was so angry that she kept sending me abusive emails. Instead of going to sleep, I stayed up to finish the paper. Breonna James kept sending the emails. One after another email where Breonna James cursed me out and acted like I was the shittiest person to ever agree to work for Breonna James. If some time in the future, you are hired by an organization and you find out that the boss is Breonna James, make sure to have a nice long talk with HR first because Breonna James will be an abusive asshole boss.

I should have told Breonna James to fuck off but I needed $200. My landlord wanted that $200. My credits cards wanted $200.

I finished the paper at five in the morning. I woke up hours later to one bitchy email saying that Breonna James would pay me $140 because I pissed her off. At that point, I was so sick of Breonna James that I would have taken the money just to forget about her. Only then Breonna James sent another email where she said that she ran my paper through Turnitin and Turnitin claimed that it was 55% AI generated. Obviously, it wasn't AI generated (I didn't stay up until five in the morning to just run the prompt through an AI machine), but Breonna James gleefully refused to pay me.

Actually, Breonna James did offer the “opportunity” to rewrite it. Which would mean more abusive emails from Breonna James. At that point $200 wasn't nearly enough to put up with Breonna James. Besides I got $200 payment from a haunted house gig.

So I did my usual deadbeat client procedure. I emailed everyone I could at Breonna James' college (Winthrop University), posted her emails on my Livejournal and emailed Breonna James a couple more times in hopes that she'd just pay. Breonna James called the Winthrop Police Department and so I spent a couple hours texting with an officer who really just wanted it to all go away.

We both agreed that it was a civil issue, unlike the time that Breonna James assaulted her roommate and got away with a conflict resolution statement. Did Breonna James sexually assault her roommate? Who knows?

Breonna James also asked one of her few friends to call me. I don't know what he was going to say but I hung up on him and texted his phone number to the Winthrop University police. I then texted the cops links to my books because who wouldn't enjoy reading She Nailed a Stake Through His Head?

Through it all, Breonna James was arrogant. Breonna James had only recently transferred to Winthrop University. Most of the papers I wrote were for the community college. Breonna James didn't use the paper that I spent all night writing. She probably used ChatGPT. Breonna James claims that her relatives work at Winthrop University and they will totally protect her.

Breonna James is probably a psychopath. She's going to burn people for years. It will catch up to Breonna James. Granted, we live in a world where Elon Musk and Trump keep getting away with their shit. Past psycho assholes like Andrew Carnegie and Rockefeller have fucking buildings named after them, but those guys are rich. Trump's old friends aren't prospering. Just look at Rudy Giuliani.

Regardless, avoid Breonna James. Don't hire her. Don't work with her. Don't work for her. Don't date her. She's toxic.

What Have We Learned

Term paper writing is a dead profession. I still have some clients, but I'm not going to beg for new ones. I've worked for two many deadbeats and arrogant shits. Before ChatGPT, the Breonna James cretins were rare. Now they seem like the only ones I can get.

Breonna James is not the first client who claimed that turnitin said my paper was AI generated. There's a chance that Breonna James isn't lying. If so, that means that not only is AI fucking with my ability to find clients, but it's training on my old papers. So now I can't even collect from the clients that actually hired me because the fucking AI is writing papers that sound like my papers.

I will do more acting jobs. I will write more stories. I will keep on with Substack. I will apply for grants. I'll even look for real jobs. I guess I'll have to do some begging until I find something stable. Either way, the time I spent desperately trying to find clients will be spent trying to find better work.

Term Paper writing was a fun unethical way to make money. Now it's dead.

I do hope that every single company that develops and uses AI will crash and burn leaving all of its investors destitute. Not because I want to keep writing term papers, just for the sake of retribution.

I posted links from my Livejournal, which I use for these purposes.

I still need money, so feel free to either get a paid subscription or donate to my gofundme.

Finally, I publish books. Buy Teddy Bear Cannibal Massacre (the first one).