Happy Shavuos 2025

A Story About My First Real Shavuos Night

“Your people will be my people, your G-d, my G-d.” - Ruth

Judaism is not an individualistic religion. Keeping kosher, observing Shabbat, studying Torah, giving tzeddaka – none of these things are done alone. You need a community. According to Ramban, we put all of our strengths together when we daven in a minyan. One member is praying with energy and another one is getting the words right. Together we make up for our mistakes.

When I was still considering a Jewish conversion, I had a moment when I could have walked away. I was sick of the campus Hillel. I was gravitating towards Orthodox Judaism even with my reservations about the sexism, homophobia, transphobia, etc. However, the rightwing Agudah shul was welcoming. The rabbi was a nice guy. Members invited me to Shabbos lunch and acted like I was doing them a favor. Yes, I felt out of place. They didn't watch television, go to the movies, vote Democrat, listen to Howard Stern or wear anything on Shabbos besides the same uniform – white shirt, black suit coat, black pants, black hat, white tie.

Yes, I listened to Howard Stern at the time.

Then my girlfriend broke up with me, but it wasn't a permanent break up. It was one of those break ups where we still talked on the phone, went out New Year's Eve or Valentine's Day and met at the local vegan restaurant after class. It was the vegan restaurant dates that kept me from Shul. She had a Saturday Shakespeare class in the Theater department. As an English major she was shocked by questions like “This scene is boring. Would you cut it?” We were forgetting how much we annoyed each other.

I could have still converted Conservative, but I wouldn't have felt Jewish afterwards. I was feeling out of place in the Orthodox community. My ex-girlfriend was slowly changing her mind about the breakup. Given the choice between going to a shul where I felt out of place and possibly reuniting with my ex, I chose the latter.

For those months, I still felt a kinship to Judaism. When I realized that my friends “ironic antisemitic jokes” were just antisemitic, I dropped her. It felt strange going out on Friday nights. My girlfriend agreed to “give it another shot.” We fell back into old patters, because it wasn't going to work out. She didn't see a future with me. I was her college boyfriend and graduation was a few months away.

I had spent previous Shavuos nights with Hillel. There was usually a group discussion about some topic that the rabbi liked. The conversation went until about two in the morning. That year's Shavuos night, I decided to go back to the Orthodox shul. I took a bus through the raging storm. I saw trees felled by lightning. I heard the thunder. It felt poetic, but it was also a good reason not to leave early.

I remember very little from that night except how much I enjoyed it. I spent college staying up until dawn studying. This time I could pull an all-nighter without a test in the morning. The lectures were not memorable. One rabbi talked about Ruth. Another rabbi aggressively pushed Torah learning and told the audience not to make excuses like they wanted to watch Seinfeld. Toward the dawn, I sat with the rabbi who was teaching a small group about tzeddakah. I think it was from gemara but it could have been an halachic text. In one place, people could go into a room and either leave or take tzeddaka. No one had to know if they were poor.

In that night, I fell back in love with Judaism. I knew that I would not feel complete until I became Jewish. I've spent many Shavuos nights studying since then. Sometimes I stay up all night. Other times, I fall asleep early. Tonight I'm going to finish masechta Sota. I've been studying that one for years. Talmud study is great, especially when you have ADHD. You could be talking about one corpse on top of the other and then dive into a discussion of leaving vegetation for the poor. Sota ends with a discussion of agula harufa, a process where murder victims are found and the judges of the town gather to proclaim that they were not neglected or murdered by anyone in the town. A cow dies. We don't do this anymore. We have too many murder victims. By that same token, we no longer do Sota. Too much adultery. We are living in a wicked world.

I think I'll go to Brachot next. It's all about blessings, but also going to the bathroom. Like I said, the Torah is weird. And beautiful. And especially relatable if you have ADHD. On Shavuos, we get to study all night long. I became Jewish because the Jewish people are my people and their G-d is my G-d. And their Torah is my Torah.

Have a great Shavuos. Eight minutes until candle lighting.

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To check out masechta Sota, there’s an Artscroll version that’s good.

For more Torah, check out this biography of Rashi.

And of course, buy a copy of She Nailed a Stake Through His Head.