Job Chapter 13
We're all gonna die yada yada yada
Job is repeating himself. The last time I wrote about this chapter, I wondered why I hadn't combined the chapters into one article. I went on a tangent about how Christians put the Bible into chapters and verses, because religious Jews knew these stories in the same way that Trekkies know Star Trek scenes. When a Trekkie refers to Picard learning to play a pipe or “I am not a merry man”, they don't need chapter and verse.
Sadly, I still had to talk about the chapter. Job tells his friends that they don't know G-d. Job refuses to shut up. They aren't going to tell him to shut up. G-d isn't going to tell him to shut up. What's G-d going to do to Job? Kill his family? Give him a skin disease? G-d already did that.
“Man decays like a rotting thing, like a garment eaten by moths,” says Job.
As I tried to write about this chapter, I started several drafts and got lost in the details. Discourses that failed me included:
Words have Power
Job's friends are causing him pain. They aren't being wise. They aren't preaching. They are just making Job miserable. I had an anecdote about Mom making me swear on the dusty Bible that I hadn't eaten an Amway candy bar and then saying “If you're lying, you're going to die in a few days.” Mom had issues. I was going to talk about the way that the Bible has laws against bearing false witness and not taking G-d's name in vain as it pertains to the legal system.
I was also going to talk about how social media has shown us just how destructive words can be. Words can embarrass people. Words can drive teenagers to suicide. Did we actually believe that conspiracy theorists were harmless cranks once? With social media, we get to learn once again about the dangers. Because of conspiracy theories, Sandy Hook parents have gotten death threats, Buddhists committed genocide and we have measles outbreaks.
G-d is an Asshole
Something is wrong here. War, disease, death, destruction, hunger, filth, poverty, torture, crime, corruption, and the Ice Capades. Something is definitely wrong. This is not good work. If this is the best God can do, I am not impressed. Results like these do not belong on the résumé of a Supreme Being. This is the kind of shit you'd expect from an office temp with a bad attitude.
- George Carlin
Job is not nearly as funny as George Carlin, but he's saying the same thing. Job outright says that G-d tortures him for nothing. Job complains that G-d won't leave him alone and won't show his face. Job is reduced to nothing and G-d is still fucking with him.
The most important class I took in college was “Bible: Wisdom, Poetry and Apocalyptic.” Several friends told me to take that class because I was a smartass pagan who carried a pocket Tao Teh Ching around. I had already dismissed the Bible as boring.
For weeks, I was shocked to read erotica, existentialism, weird apocalyptic literature, etc. The Bible was much weirder and more fun than I thought, especially when I had been trained as a good Lutheran to view the “old testament” as a prequel to the Jesus stuff.
I didn't even know what I didn't know.
When Job talks about G-d, he sounds like an angrier version of George Carlin. The fact that the Bible, the book primarily about G-d, has a character outright calling G-d a sadist is still shocking. The fact that Job is framed as correct and his friends who spout the standard sermons are wrong is even more amazing.
I am a Leaf in the Wind
Job calls himself a leaf in the wind. I could have gone on for pages about Joss Whedon's worst weakness – his inability to write happy couples. Granted Job meant something else when he called himself a leaf in the wind. Job was talking about losing his foundations. Wash was a great pilot. Job keeps talking. Wash gets killed.
Dumb Beliefs
I didn't know if I wanted to be nasty or sympathetic when it came to dumb beliefs. I would have definitely ranted against this “Mercury in retrograde” bullshit. Only I also have grabbed Tarot Cards or read my horoscope whenever things were going badly. I wanted them to say “no, she really loves you. She'll call you tomorrow.” She never called. I wanted to attach the stupid friends believing that they could talk for G-d to the last line about how we're all going to die. It would have ended on a sympathetic note. Sure, we are all stupid, but we're going to die. Can we really be blamed for turning to astrology or NFTs or Communism to believe that we can control our lives?
I Want More Life, Fucker
We are all decaying like moth-eaten sweaters. We're going to die. Recently I found out that a high school friend had been dead for years. She sat behind me in Calculus class and she was honestly sweet. Teenagers are assholes by default. I dont know how much effort she put into being a good person who genuinely liked people but it was certainly more than I could muster. The last time we saw each other, she gave me a long hug because she was going to miss me. She died of a brain tumor in 2015 or 2016.
We are all dying. Yes, maybe eternal life is a thing. Some of us are dying faster than others. Of course, we love stories of 300 year old vampires and 3500 year old worm human hybrids. Imagine having all that time to read your entire library, start a family, have children, establish a career, travel the world, write that book, figure your shit out. Only you don't have the time. Every year you get fatter. Your muscles hurt. You can't drink without acid reflux. There's so much you want to do. So many hours you have to spend working instead because your landlord is getting impatient.
Next Week: Job is still talking
Speaking of Landlords, please help me pay my rent. Work finally picked up but I am trying to make up for very little in paid jobs this year.
Robert Alter’s The Art of Biblical Poetry was the textbook for that Bible class. Years later, I discovered that Alter treating the Bible like literature was a relatively new approach in academic Bible classes. Most scholarship as all about who wrote what.