Job Chapter 40
Consider the Behemoth/Hippopotamus
“Behold the Behemoth, which I made with you. Like an ox, it eats grass” - Job 40:15
In Jewish and Christian folklore, the Behemoth is a mystical beast, a demonic figure, doomed to battle the Leviathan. This influenced Thomas Hobbes who wrote The Leviathan to argue that monarchy is the ideal government and then continued the argument in Behemoth, by talking about the English civil war where monarchy failed.
However, the reality is much weirder than the symbolism. By most naturalist interpretations, the Behemoth is a hippopotamus. G-d is basically describing a herbivore that lives in the raging waters and can kill anyone without thinking. You can still fantasize about demonic elephants sitting at the right hand of Satan, but they are nothing compared to the hippopotamus.
For one thing, hippos fuck. They fuck a lot. Pablo Escobar kept hippos on his Colombian estates and after he died, four hippos escaped – three females and one male. There are now over 200 hippos living in the Magadalena River. Without natural predators or droughts, they just breed. The local population is very anxious. It’s impossible to fish when there’s a hippopotamus hanging out in the same river. Even if you catch some fish, that hippo will most likely kill you. Yet, for every fishing village devastated by hippopotamus squatters, there’s another village that’s making money from hippopotamus tourism.
“DAMN! Look at that! His power is in his hips and stomach muscles! Its tail sways like a cedar; its thighs are thick and knitted together.” - Job 40:16-17
The game Hungry Hungry Hippos is cute. The actual hippo jaw is horrifying. It can open its jaw 180 degrees and its bite is 2000 pound per inch. The only animal jaw that rivals the hippo is the crocodile, but if you see a hippo and a crocodile fighting, bet on the hippo. Crocodiles do eat baby hippos, but it avoids adult hippos. Not even a crocodile bite can pierce a hippopotamus hide.
As for that tail swaying like a cedar, it’s actually crazier than a cedar tree. The hippopotamus uses its tail to spread its shit all over the place. One article compared the hippopotamus tail to a paint brush that paints the world brown. Apparently other hippopotamuses like the smell.
In later verses, G-d goes on to describe the hippopotamus bones as iron and states that men cannot cut its hide with a sword. Seriously, don’t try to attack a hippopotamus with a sword. In the best case scenario, you will annoy it before a crocodile tries to bite it. Then you can run away as the hippo tears the crocodile apart.
“Under the lotus tree he lies, in a covert of reeds and marsh.” - Job 40:21
One of the strangest things about the hippopotamus is the contrast between reality and image. The hippopotamus looks like a calm animal, just chilling beneath the trees. Yet, it’s very dangerous. In the next verses, G-d talks about how it can live in the raging waters and swallow the Jordan and not be bothered. If you are ever in a raging river and see a hippopotamus approaching, run away. The hippopotamus looks like it’s having a nice time. Perhaps, it’s enjoying the waters. You don’t have that advantage. You are treading water. The hippopotamus is considering whether you need killing. Don’t tempt it.
“Can any human look it in the eyes, trap it and pierce its nose?” - Job 40:24
NO! Definitely not. Seriously, no. Even today when humans have mostly conquered nature and have little to fear from tigers and hyenas, the hippopotamus is dangerous. Yes, Pablo Escobar kept hippopotamuses in his zoo and there was a hippo farming venture that never got off the ground. However, don’t look for a hippopotamus equivalent of Tiger King any time soon. Marius Els rescued a baby hippo and raised it like his child. He even rode it around and called it Humphrey. One day, Humphrey dragged Marius into the river and tore him apart. Not even Netflix will touch a hippopotamus version of Tiger King. They don’t want the liability of showing a snuff film.
Coming up next – the kaiju!!!!!!
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Rabbi Natan Slifkin writes about the natural history of Biblical animals and if you are ever in Israel, visit the Biblical Museum of Natural History.
Rabbi Slifkin’s book is a little expensive, but if you can afford it, buy it.
Speaking of rabbis, I published Rashi by Maurice Liber and it’s a great introduction.