Job Chapters 9-11
G-d Laughs at Tragedy, Sperm and Zophar. Poor Zophar
I don’t necessarily need to put out two articles a week, especially since I put out four last week, but I feel obligated. Only I don’t have time, since Sukkot starts in six hours (I promise a Sukkoth article next week - especially since Ecclesiastes/Koheleth is my favorite book in the Bible.) So it’s time to revisit the earlier chapters of Job where Job puts out some seriously scary lines like “G-d laughs at the death of the innocent” and uses milk as a metaphor for sperm (took me awhile to figure that out and wow, I was happy when I did. Then Zophar comes along and says his piece and he’s…not all that bad considering.
So first, there’s Job chapter 9 where he ostensibly agrees with Bildad but then turns it around and calls G-d a sadist. When deciding what Bible quotes to put on a throw pillow for Grandma, maybe don’t use this chapter.
Job Chapter 9
Remember Mark Anthony's speech in Julius Caesar from 9th grade English? Ostensibly he's agreeing with Caesar's assassins. Caesar was a danger to the Republic. Yet, the longer he speaks the more he sways the crowd toward Caesar. Every “Brutus says he was ambitious. And Brutus is an honorable man” becomes a dagger pointed at Brutus and company.
Then we get more Job. Job is very talkative. I’m currently working on the 24th chapter and it’s going to be a lot of Job from this point on (except for one Bildad chapter where I’ll probably talk about the second season of Good Omens and Neil Gaiman). So in this one, Job uses the analogy “he pours me out like milk and then curdled me like cheese” and it took me four re-readings to go “Oh wait! Milk is sperm!!! This is childbirth!” I was so proud.
Again, bad idea for a throw pillow quote. Unless your grandma is a pervert.
And finally, revisit Zophar in his best chapter because it’s one of two chapters that he’s in and he doesn’t get to say much in his second chapter. Oh Zophar. You tried. You really tried. And unlike Eliphaz and Bildad, my first reaction to reading Zophar wasn’t “Oh fuck off.”
Side note: What’s with all these “meeting the girlfriend’s dad and he’s surprisingly chill with your tattoos/sitting in his chair/picking your nose” commercials. Sorry. I just see too many of these things and they are on all the damn time.
Job Chapter 11
Zophar is rude. He's not passive aggressive like Bildad or toxically positive like Eliphaz. He's rude. He outright accuses Job of trying to babble his friends into silence. He's justifiably angry, most likely at the “the innocents die and G-d laughs” line. Yet, Zophar is also the most genuine friend. His chapter is short, a mere 20 lines. In that chapte…
So happy Sukkoth if you observe. Happy Thursday if you don’t. If you’d like to hire me as a writer or editor (I can edit your novel, write your term paper, edit your thesis, etc.) please
Or you can donate to my Gofundme - I’m going to need to update that since as you might have noticed I’ve had more time to do substack, which means that I haven’t gotten nearly as many paid writing gigs as I - and my landlord - would like. The rent has crawled up. Even $5 would be helpful.
I also published a book of Biblical fan fiction. It’s called King David and the Spiders from Mars. If you like my articles, buy it.
One of the authors in King David and the Spiders from Mars is Sonya Taaffe, check out her other works.