Yom Kippur Thoughts

Last Minute Stuff. Includes Babylon 5 references

“Are you capable of forgiving and loving God even when you have found out that He is not perfect, even when He has let you down and disappointed you by permitting bad luck and sickness and cruelty in His world, and permitting some of those things to happen to you? Can you learn to love and forgive Him despite His limitations, as Job does, and as you once learned to forgive and love your parents even though they were not as wise, as strong, or as perfect as you needed them to be?”

― Harold S. Kushner, When Bad Things Happen to Good People

When I was watching Babylon 5 on Roku, I had to google “Did J. Michael Stracznski have daddy issues?” That led to a rabbit hole of addiction, head injuries, diabetes, PTSD and schizophrenia. The most unhealthy people in Hollywood got together to create an optimistic 90s show where everything eventually works out. The economy was strong. The internet was new. The Clinton Administration ended genocide in Bosnia and made peace in Ireland and Israel. The Irish peace treaty worked out.

I don't fast on Yom Kippur. I have type 2 diabetes. Shortly after my diagnosis, I fasted for Tisha B'Av and I spent the day checking my blood sugar. It went from 300 to normal in 24 hours. Then I ate sugar, so much sugar. My blood sugar shot back up. Avoiding the obvious sugar is hard enough. I miss pasta.

I liked the Game of Thrones ending. I can see why people hated it, but I thought it was brilliant. Jon Snow being the true king and re-joining the Night's Watch? Awesome. Daenerys going crazy and killing everyone in King's Landing? Hell yeah. Sansa coming out on top? Yes! Bran becoming the king? Ok, that was a strange choice. Seems like he'd be better off joining the Maesters. The only part I hated was the Hound and the Mountain fighting. Not only was it pandering fan service, it also destroyed the Hound's growth. Perhaps that's realistic. During Babylon 5, Jerry Doyle and Jeff Conaway were recovering addicts. Their final years demonstrate just how fragile that “recovering” label can be.

Last year, I brought a Hemingway book to YK services. That was a mistake. This year, I'm bringing an Artscroll Talmud. At least then I won't be reading about Europeans so antisemitic that they'd rather run with bulls than deal with a Jewish guy who only wants to be their friend. I'm another one of those adults who was diagnosed with ADHD later in life. I went for a Depression study and after five minutes, the screener said “You don't have depression” and pulled out the ADHD questions. At least I don't have to feel guilty about being distracted.

I have to stop using “kapo” as an insult. As a friend pointed out, the actual kapos didn't have a choice. These current leftist idiots are just trying to please their hipster friends. Also there are many reasons why Jews will spout antisemitic bullshit and give the worst people license to hate Israel as a “racists, white supremacist, colonial (etc, etc) ethnostate.” Like racism, sexism and homophobia, antisemitism is systemic. We breathe and think antisemitism every day. Also, I'm a convert. I didn't grow up feeling ashamed of my Jewish identity. I studied and worked to convert. I fought to become Jewish. I don't know why Stephen Miller thinks it's cool to use “globalist” as an insult. I was never raised by rich Communists who saw Judaism as an embarrassing family secret to be trotted out when it was convenient.

When we ask G-d for forgiveness, we are supposed to apologize to everyone that we wronged. Unfortunately, we usually go overboard and do that weird blanket statement apology. It's so annoying. Also we forgive each other. We might not want to talk to each other, but we still forgive. If we can. It's not always possible or beneficial. I'm not going to forgive Sinwar or Khaemeni. We also forgive ourselves and we forgive G-d for making an imperfect universe. We sing and we pray.

I almost always miss Yom Kippur mincha. That's where we read the Book of Yonah. He's one of the few relatable prophets. He's told to go to the Assyrians and he runs the other direction. G-d has to force him to get back to Assyria and then the Assyrians repent. Yonah didn't want their repentance. He wanted their damnation. G-d reminds Yonah that G-d is in charge. Of everyone. Maybe G-d would have preferred that Haniyeh and Nasrallah repented. According to Haniyah's son, Haniyeh turned down enough money to turn Gaza into paradise because he didn't want peace with Israel. Imagine a world Haniyeh didn't reject that peace treaty.

When people say “end the occupation,” they either want to bring back Oslo and establish a Palestinian State in Judah and Samaria (aka “The West Bank”) or they want to eliminate the entire state of Israel. I can respect the former even though I disagree with them. I remember Oslo and I remembered how it collapsed into a weekly suicide bombing campaign. For the latter, I have only contempt. Sorry assholes, you can't murder and rape Jews without consequences. Just live vicariously through your grandparents.

Sorry this isn't particularly deep. I have less than an hour until candle lighting. I need to clean this apartment or at least vacuum. If you observe Yom Kippur, have a great and meaningful time. Hopefully you can forgive yourself and forgive your parents and forgive G-d. If not, enjoy your Saturday ham or whatever you people do.

If you like me, please consider donating to my Gofundme. Work has been very light.

If you’re interested in Jewish stuff, feel free to buy the Rashi biography that I published with Dybbuk Press.